The BAZ Blackmarket Biography Auction
The Secret Room in Coral Reef
For the last 10 years, BAZ have been operating a secret Black market biography business. From a secret location within Mike Nelson’s Coral Reef, BAZ have been holding monthly auctions where desperate artists have been bidding hundred’s of NAN bursary pounds in pursuing the emerging artist dream. In a world where a solo show at Bloc can make or break an artist residency application, this a desperate time for the hardworking, earnest yet ultimately untalented artist who is attempting to put the inevitable teaching career on hold.
BAZ, ever the opportunists and keen to illustrate entrepreneurial spirit to Arts Council executives have recognized this gap in the market and have created the forum for the willful embellishment of CV’s and biographies.
From their non-specific flock papered enclave in Coral Reef, BAZ have recruited the services of the legendary art auctioneers Price Gordon Nelson to sell fake shows and residencies from major institutions in a secondary black market economy that is becoming more lucrative than volunteering at Ikon Gallery (great skip).
The Rules of Blackmarket Biography Auctioning
1st RULE: Collect your BAZO’S.
2nd RULE: A BAZO is a form of currency. It takes on a separate persona dependent on the lot being auctioned (i.e. Gubbles, Watkins). These are not, nor should be interpreted as, euphemisms.
3rd RULE: Use your BAZO’s to take part in the Blackmarket Biography Auction.
4th RULE: Before the Auction begins, abandon your team. You are now out for what you can get. Go solo.
5th Rule: Cultivate, develop or enhance your own twitch, tic or wave to bid on the lots. Be sure that you have enough BAZO’s to pay for the item you’re bidding on, as all purchases are not currently covered by Artist Newsletter public liability insurance.
6th RULE: if the bidding gets high, form an Associates Scheme with other bidders to pool BAZO’s.
7th RULE: Large sales will be signified by the smashing of Ruth Claxton-esque figurines, thereby increasing the market value of a Birmingham based artist’s work.
8th RULE: Go home.
